Sunday, March 13, 2011

I'll miss you Lindsey...


Lindsey Rae Quinlan
May 1, 1987 - February 22, 2011

 ..... this is really happening :( 

 Kasey (Lindsey's boyfriend), Brandon Shupe (Steph's husband), and Mike Quinlan (Lindsey's dad) 

 Lindsey LOVED flowers. 

I look up to Stephanie for how graceful she was throughout this whole process. 
This is the best picture I got of Stephanie. 
She looked so beautiful. 
I see a lot of Lindsey in her. 

It so hard to imagine someone you grow up with passing away as tragically as Lindsey did. I can't really wrap my head around it. It's surreal. It's as if this week isn't really happening and I'll wake up from this nightmare and life will be back to normal. But I'm not going to wake up and this nightmare isn't going away. It's real. Lindsey passed away. What keeps us all going is knowing that she is in the loving hands of our Heavenly Father and that she isn't suffering with this evil addiction anymore. It's so sad that it takes a tragedy and losing an angel like Lindsey to wake people up and to realize how short and precious life is. I truly hope this brings a harsh realization to my mom and other users. I hope they put the needles down and clean their lives up or they are going to end up just like Lindsey did. 
I hope that my mom stays clean and doesn't give in to her addiction. We need a mom. We want our mom here. I don't really understand addiction. A part of me felt like people who suffered with an addiction cared more about the high and the drugs than their own family. After this week I don't think that is the case. I think the addiction changes them and their priorities. If she had been clean her priorities would have been totally different. The same with my mom. Now that she is getting clean my sister and I and staying clean are her priorities. 
I have so many funny memories with Lindsey. She was such a fun, outgoing, hilarious, beautiful, stubborn, caring sister. I wouldn't change the experiences we've shared for the world. I'll always remember laughing together until we cried. I'll remember playing soccer together. I'll remember sharing a locker together and her teaching me how to do my hair and makeup. I'll remember the four of us girls making my dad so mad ALL the time. I'll remember the pink slug bug we were all so embarrassed of. I'll remember how I wanted to be like her and look like her. I'll remember her beauty. I'll remember the last conversation we had, the last text she sent, the last time I saw her smiling face. I will hold so many memories of us together so dear to my heart. I love you Lindsey! Stephanie we will always be sisters:)
Losing Lindsey has brought a lot of people together. KK and I have spent a lot of time with family and with Charla and Robert. Going through this time in my life has really strengthened my testimony. Last time I had someone I loved pass away I completely lost myself. I fell away from the church. I was angry at everything and everyone. I wanted to be everything I never was just to forget about everything somehow. Living the life I lived didn't bring me happiness. I was lost, confused, misguided, alone... at least that is how I felt. I chose to be alone. I chose to turn my back on our Savior. I'm so grateful that I have such a strong testimony of the gospel AND of eternal family AND the plan of salvation. I know Lindsey is ok and in such a better place with her Savior. I know that Pascal is there as well. This time around I didn't feel the need to take sleeping medicine ALL day everyday. I felt peace and comforted rather than alone. I know that my Savior knows exactly what she meant to me and knows how losing her has affected me. I know she is not suffering this addiction she had anymore. I know that she is smiling down on all of us. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to share such a big chunk of my life with her, as sisters. Whether we were fighting, crying, or laughing we always loved each other. No matter what I will always love her  and she will always be my sister. I'm so grateful for Mike, Charla, Steph, Robert, Rachel, Brenda, my mom, KK, Katie, Amy, Travis... these people are amazing! Travis gave me a blessing to help me get through that rough time. Katie and Amy were there for me when I needed them to come and rescue me. Amy bought me fattening goodies. Rachel and Brenda made me feel like family. Robert was so sweet. Mike was so strong and such a good dad. He knows he isn't the only one hurting from this loss. He is so caring. Charla will ALWAYS be my step mom. I miss her so much. It was just like old times. Stephanie has more courage than anyone I've ever met. She is so graceful and such a strong woman. I love that girl!
Lindsey was so beautiful! Her laughter was so contagious and she had the most beautiful smile. Even though I was the oldest I ALWAYS wanted to be like her.
I love you Lindsey!

Later that night.... 
Shelli and Noelle took me to Farr's Fresh to cheer me up :) 
I have the BEST friends EVER! 
Aren't they pretty!? :) 

 Shelli and Noelle helped me get through this weekend.  
You girls are the best. I love you both! 

sometimes I forget that I'm lactose intolerant.... oops! 
ps. I'm really not sure how I got chocolate on my face. 
I'm really not surprised I managed to do that though. 
Typical Carissa. 

boys VS. girls

 Step brothers.
Nick and Brett.
 Noelle is focused.
Chuck is a creeper ;)
 Shelli was the reason for the defeat against the oh so confident boys... 
little did they know their confidence would be shot! 
 Stop being good at EVERYTHING Nick. Geeze. 
 I look sleepy and swollen from crying :(
ah well

 I'm not a bowler. Meh. 

Noelle and Shellicopter. 
Super Cute!!


Later that night Mike wrote this back to me on FB. 
I couldn't help but cry.... :'(

Even though it's been a few weeks since Lindsey passed the pain is still there. I haven't forgotten her. I still cry. I still get sad. I miss her. BUT I KNOW we will see each other again and that gets me through this.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Think Of Me Photography

Alexandria Cunningham used me as her "model" for a mentoring session she was teaching. 
I think she needed someone there to teach me how to model, ha. 
I'm not going to quit my day job anytime soon to model. 
Good thing she wasn't paying me...
she bought me a cupcake.... 
That's all I'm worth is a CUPCAKE! :)
and I'm content with that! ha.

Drum roll please.....................

ta dahhhhhhh! 


 the story behind this picture...
We were going to random locations in Ogden and ended up at this 
somewhat abandoned place. 
I went to sit by the fence but what was on the ground????
but love this picture. 

 LOVE! this is my favorite. 

 This is one of the first ones we took... 
this was actually taken by Destiny Owens.
Alex was her mentor. 
She was great! 
(the last ones are by Destiny Owens)
 I'm a smiler :)