tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53016994936123806702024-03-05T09:59:48.653-08:00.carissa lynn.Carissa Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17735701882667125957noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5301699493612380670.post-85521594617290389352011-03-13T22:33:00.000-07:002011-03-15T00:53:58.163-07:00I'll miss you Lindsey...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvF8pFIDjNKuoXFy1dtwlxn7j-sSLuVfy_Q7hRW7uq9FH8T7zPLX1oUGnodJ5PXXKVLsmv-adPbx1L8olNTFFmQgsbmQA5YGVGcvQsxz9jGHKJpcgKLOQujXGucvgaPzmlClBi5BtZi1zO/s1600/IMG_1422.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvF8pFIDjNKuoXFy1dtwlxn7j-sSLuVfy_Q7hRW7uq9FH8T7zPLX1oUGnodJ5PXXKVLsmv-adPbx1L8olNTFFmQgsbmQA5YGVGcvQsxz9jGHKJpcgKLOQujXGucvgaPzmlClBi5BtZi1zO/s400/IMG_1422.jpg" width="295" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times,'Times New Roman',serif;"><b>Lindsey Rae Quinlan</b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">May 1, 1987 - February 22, 2011</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZMSm0Pg9iJKolDwbwYfTeBUFyqK5ln05PMSyTPRLRBPuIIWLf_g3tvSkOoryiM3PFCCx2rhJOzGe0FAJ0reBIQyCZmQX-8LNk8kSA72P_YzY-WCQ4f4DRiYZvLKwYXr_1DTxj_i3N-06W/s1600/SAM_0909.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZMSm0Pg9iJKolDwbwYfTeBUFyqK5ln05PMSyTPRLRBPuIIWLf_g3tvSkOoryiM3PFCCx2rhJOzGe0FAJ0reBIQyCZmQX-8LNk8kSA72P_YzY-WCQ4f4DRiYZvLKwYXr_1DTxj_i3N-06W/s400/SAM_0909.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> ..... this is really happening :( </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJttxgnmvYN6MgdVBVVZgxRmGJlUoDLnIE2vZtmP1_pEPwamfm6irrQ711v4pMt3vgcksI3CLbxdfBcaCV0DmlnfEYHnuxP-q6KysrCLCQMVTQW3cJIXzFsB9BO7drfNzd-5nzna-qkWFp/s1600/SAM_0911.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJttxgnmvYN6MgdVBVVZgxRmGJlUoDLnIE2vZtmP1_pEPwamfm6irrQ711v4pMt3vgcksI3CLbxdfBcaCV0DmlnfEYHnuxP-q6KysrCLCQMVTQW3cJIXzFsB9BO7drfNzd-5nzna-qkWFp/s400/SAM_0911.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Kasey (Lindsey's boyfriend), Brandon Shupe (Steph's husband), and Mike Quinlan (Lindsey's dad) </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivksnBsiSKlPHnku7yG3uAoPBojKEJzTd4OZ-GAf5ZRGr_oDOCB9HQyZVanQxzMpgwjeDZ8s__ARNAcktM1p7ictyarqHUbupxvmMQEhvyiYHz0Kbu7ASNCFt7lQ0qE4KDjMPnpV0pvcuX/s1600/SAM_0913.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivksnBsiSKlPHnku7yG3uAoPBojKEJzTd4OZ-GAf5ZRGr_oDOCB9HQyZVanQxzMpgwjeDZ8s__ARNAcktM1p7ictyarqHUbupxvmMQEhvyiYHz0Kbu7ASNCFt7lQ0qE4KDjMPnpV0pvcuX/s400/SAM_0913.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Lindsey LOVED flowers. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCPn6_uRgsYb4m4SkoLJgIOWdbRlEbv2IRXo6y3G0MuZlUpZznVy4BNN75tv50zJuw0k74ecpsQgqijpamJz8LwdJpnsPv9fsyDW3YA4-PD2MJzRRTbD4HyleRcZBO7xbLg_DXh1Gm0uFn/s1600/SAM_0916.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCPn6_uRgsYb4m4SkoLJgIOWdbRlEbv2IRXo6y3G0MuZlUpZznVy4BNN75tv50zJuw0k74ecpsQgqijpamJz8LwdJpnsPv9fsyDW3YA4-PD2MJzRRTbD4HyleRcZBO7xbLg_DXh1Gm0uFn/s400/SAM_0916.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">I look up to Stephanie for how graceful she was throughout this whole process. </div><div style="text-align: center;">This is the best picture I got of Stephanie. </div><div style="text-align: center;">She looked so beautiful. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I see a lot of Lindsey in her. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">It so hard to imagine someone you grow up with passing away as tragically as Lindsey did. I can't really wrap my head around it. It's surreal. It's as if this week isn't really happening and I'll wake up from this nightmare and life will be back to normal. But I'm not going to wake up and this nightmare isn't going away. It's real. Lindsey passed away. What keeps us all going is knowing that she is in the loving hands of our Heavenly Father and that she isn't suffering with this evil addiction anymore. It's so sad that it takes a tragedy and losing an angel like Lindsey to wake people up and to realize how short and precious life is. I truly hope this brings a harsh realization to my mom and other users. I hope they put the needles down and clean their lives up or they are going to end up just like Lindsey did. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I hope that my mom stays clean and doesn't give in to her addiction. We need a mom. We want our mom here. I don't really understand addiction. A part of me felt like people who suffered with an addiction cared more about the high and the drugs than their own family. After this week I don't think that is the case. I think the addiction changes them and their priorities. If she had been clean her priorities would have been totally different. The same with my mom. Now that she is getting clean my sister and I and staying clean are her priorities. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I have so many funny memories with Lindsey. She was such a fun, outgoing, hilarious, beautiful, stubborn, caring sister. I wouldn't change the experiences we've shared for the world. I'll always remember laughing together until we cried. I'll remember playing soccer together. I'll remember sharing a locker together and her teaching me how to do my hair and makeup. I'll remember the four of us girls making my dad so mad ALL the time. I'll remember the pink slug bug we were all so embarrassed of. I'll remember how I wanted to be like her and look like her. I'll remember her beauty. I'll remember the last conversation we had, the last text she sent, the last time I saw her smiling face. I will hold so many memories of us together so dear to my heart. I love you Lindsey! Stephanie we will always be sisters:)</div><div style="text-align: center;">Losing Lindsey has brought a lot of people together. KK and I have spent a lot of time with family and with Charla and Robert. Going through this time in my life has really strengthened my testimony. Last time I had someone I loved pass away I completely lost myself. I fell away from the church. I was angry at everything and everyone. I wanted to be everything I never was just to forget about everything somehow. Living the life I lived didn't bring me happiness. I was lost, confused, misguided, alone... at least that is how I felt. I chose to be alone. I chose to turn my back on our Savior. I'm so grateful that I have such a strong testimony of the gospel AND of eternal family AND the plan of salvation. I know Lindsey is ok and in such a better place with her Savior. I know that Pascal is there as well. This time around I didn't feel the need to take sleeping medicine ALL day everyday. I felt peace and comforted rather than alone. I know that my Savior knows exactly what she meant to me and knows how losing her has affected me. I know she is not suffering this addiction she had anymore. I know that she is smiling down on all of us. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to share such a big chunk of my life with her, as sisters. Whether we were fighting, crying, or laughing we always loved each other. No matter what I will always love her and she will always be my sister. I'm so grateful for Mike, Charla, Steph, Robert, Rachel, Brenda, my mom, KK, Katie, Amy, Travis... these people are amazing! Travis gave me a blessing to help me get through that rough time. Katie and Amy were there for me when I needed them to come and rescue me. Amy bought me fattening goodies. Rachel and Brenda made me feel like family. Robert was so sweet. Mike was so strong and such a good dad. He knows he isn't the only one hurting from this loss. He is so caring. Charla will ALWAYS be my step mom. I miss her so much. It was just like old times. Stephanie has more courage than anyone I've ever met. She is so graceful and such a strong woman. I love that girl!<br />
Lindsey was so beautiful! Her laughter was so contagious and she had the most beautiful smile. Even though I was the oldest I ALWAYS wanted to be like her.<br />
I love you Lindsey! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Later that night..</span>.. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Shelli and Noelle took me to Farr's Fresh to cheer me up :) </div><div style="text-align: center;">I have the BEST friends EVER! </div><div style="text-align: center;">Aren't they pretty!? :) </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvluT04sUN4WcJzwp3xZ4xxsEfhwEHbueNaijBaGaOPy3uDQ7NOkhx_IpxsBgBsbpu-3J1AH9RuXGbF-dmmTIW55h6MlZ8r9quGexmu_V3C4ItMP4qqkYtfyhlwQGUV4UpzILEj9ec3QM/s1600/SAM_0924.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvluT04sUN4WcJzwp3xZ4xxsEfhwEHbueNaijBaGaOPy3uDQ7NOkhx_IpxsBgBsbpu-3J1AH9RuXGbF-dmmTIW55h6MlZ8r9quGexmu_V3C4ItMP4qqkYtfyhlwQGUV4UpzILEj9ec3QM/s400/SAM_0924.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHjI53sEp1Hw7QW9sy5SFGPKz2GjFdVvnfWRAzK3kClDGJ7Wz9K4K3FCLEYrj4VpI4PoA-CMp4FK1c7N0QyogW7jYeWCS0kfYTgrpduQkfmC99Eo-LczMt0EbvaISS1Qc6cv68FyjGZaLp/s1600/SAM_0925.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHjI53sEp1Hw7QW9sy5SFGPKz2GjFdVvnfWRAzK3kClDGJ7Wz9K4K3FCLEYrj4VpI4PoA-CMp4FK1c7N0QyogW7jYeWCS0kfYTgrpduQkfmC99Eo-LczMt0EbvaISS1Qc6cv68FyjGZaLp/s400/SAM_0925.jpg" width="225" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzwaHzWgfC5Qzhl8WB0hDfdyh5nSO2x42X7LWuGl7IYTTT-1gerOGr8xP0CQtCzci3KOBaNdLuWhA-tF-4x-8rnsSuurLk45dCTPiMbaBCK4wo0OPSzX467dcAnar1nyBNIEixRkgmYjIu/s1600/SAM_0928.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzwaHzWgfC5Qzhl8WB0hDfdyh5nSO2x42X7LWuGl7IYTTT-1gerOGr8xP0CQtCzci3KOBaNdLuWhA-tF-4x-8rnsSuurLk45dCTPiMbaBCK4wo0OPSzX467dcAnar1nyBNIEixRkgmYjIu/s400/SAM_0928.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Shelli and Noelle helped me get through this weekend. </div><div style="text-align: center;">You girls are the best. I love you both! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">mmmmmmmmm........ </div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">sometimes I forget that I'm lactose intolerant.... oops! </div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">ps. I'm really not sure how I got chocolate on my face. </div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">I'm really not surprised I managed to do that though. </div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">Typical Carissa. </div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">BOWLING</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">boys VS. girls</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhag5oW8OUsrmDzqHXC28g-m3Qtc98lNNoId_X6Uvtoymbqg-QhrLeebxhMnYPO5CYMrY7uXTJwSzc6KpKq2SWSg-hS-ycxbptU0MmUKPr02fa1elo3jgtXoutXNjWpe0N6FaHQ-4B0ccu7/s1600/SAM_0934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhag5oW8OUsrmDzqHXC28g-m3Qtc98lNNoId_X6Uvtoymbqg-QhrLeebxhMnYPO5CYMrY7uXTJwSzc6KpKq2SWSg-hS-ycxbptU0MmUKPr02fa1elo3jgtXoutXNjWpe0N6FaHQ-4B0ccu7/s400/SAM_0934.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVSzB38LoKkxQFn0GlCBGB5XZpt1N4KLMx4dZcOONM_98PUFH2Rp7rGHVeh-pZctfT8-bFIyjA52wmkJr2CdgZi23LBosFfMirFv0RFhQFm89KgqveXC6iLfOmtgq4YLxgcsF1MhV4sfYo/s1600/SAM_0945.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVSzB38LoKkxQFn0GlCBGB5XZpt1N4KLMx4dZcOONM_98PUFH2Rp7rGHVeh-pZctfT8-bFIyjA52wmkJr2CdgZi23LBosFfMirFv0RFhQFm89KgqveXC6iLfOmtgq4YLxgcsF1MhV4sfYo/s320/SAM_0945.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Step brothers.<br />
Nick and Brett. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS8K74agYX-Tqilcv_C0DloMIHoNzKGJN8IkWP7sXMLAJXvBDwZC7KckeBreokyLd6HOxhK_9stXPlIhYc9s_DAh4TnJyCgTmwHQDv_sVpjD-2QmJ4enJ4NTOuC0X26T-m-YDtPJKyhVeX/s1600/SAM_0946.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS8K74agYX-Tqilcv_C0DloMIHoNzKGJN8IkWP7sXMLAJXvBDwZC7KckeBreokyLd6HOxhK_9stXPlIhYc9s_DAh4TnJyCgTmwHQDv_sVpjD-2QmJ4enJ4NTOuC0X26T-m-YDtPJKyhVeX/s400/SAM_0946.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Noelle is focused.<br />
Chuck is a creeper ;)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Shelli was the reason for the defeat against the oh so confident boys... </div><div style="text-align: center;">little did they know their confidence would be shot! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdT9cxK2nMVZ0X7kIlA6uSsVG1LDX-O295q-85adLGqQMzrAQgxCxTwGT6SNf7lde_pjoxJDfq7ooKA15ny5qQVGZoZX4nTy0cP5uXkPkfO1JA_ih_h9_fcsZOEaqs4JUU59zT8nWwhmm/s1600/SAM_0952.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdT9cxK2nMVZ0X7kIlA6uSsVG1LDX-O295q-85adLGqQMzrAQgxCxTwGT6SNf7lde_pjoxJDfq7ooKA15ny5qQVGZoZX4nTy0cP5uXkPkfO1JA_ih_h9_fcsZOEaqs4JUU59zT8nWwhmm/s400/SAM_0952.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Stop being good at EVERYTHING Nick. Geeze. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQwtnDZLLyFI6XIOdmIPhsricS-0jDxbOOChMi71UKPJq0254tU1cY0bmDpfYzduRX3-1Qn-sMBA5J_KMtOuzTZ2uTFR5y7Mdr5SGJG9EVMVkaD-vc0w9Vgn-uqEuFYbcBexq3TgUFZCwn/s1600/SAM_0957.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQwtnDZLLyFI6XIOdmIPhsricS-0jDxbOOChMi71UKPJq0254tU1cY0bmDpfYzduRX3-1Qn-sMBA5J_KMtOuzTZ2uTFR5y7Mdr5SGJG9EVMVkaD-vc0w9Vgn-uqEuFYbcBexq3TgUFZCwn/s400/SAM_0957.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> I look sleepy and swollen from crying :(</div><div style="text-align: center;">ah well</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd_YlBso97W_fJofmBn3wV8owWJmltj65QK5vOiPDywRxBvadZkDFgH_-WNemvC1Syucn9xWoDfFGemKT_AXvA1s8vnG0-54-519w_t8a1uD-B-FfJRIHj35FBN7-ZYhn1iJMU277tymD8/s1600/SAM_0956.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd_YlBso97W_fJofmBn3wV8owWJmltj65QK5vOiPDywRxBvadZkDFgH_-WNemvC1Syucn9xWoDfFGemKT_AXvA1s8vnG0-54-519w_t8a1uD-B-FfJRIHj35FBN7-ZYhn1iJMU277tymD8/s400/SAM_0956.jpg" width="225" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> I'm not a bowler. Meh. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2LHJMJItlolZ6W0UBkYYTZL_l-JPxR6j3jEFfYxiEKDzEBb22dbd83hYOTZRRhbXyxYE7q70yVynd5rDv97bazUmRqP-mqQOfjmRVfCccBo8n5O_InP8Yi-9c9MzYz8bJWe1-ZyLk9QIS/s1600/SAM_0954.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2LHJMJItlolZ6W0UBkYYTZL_l-JPxR6j3jEFfYxiEKDzEBb22dbd83hYOTZRRhbXyxYE7q70yVynd5rDv97bazUmRqP-mqQOfjmRVfCccBo8n5O_InP8Yi-9c9MzYz8bJWe1-ZyLk9QIS/s320/SAM_0954.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Noelle and Shellicopter. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Super Cute!!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">OUTCOME: GIRLS WIN!!!!!!! </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">Later that night Mike wrote this back to me on FB. </div><div style="margin: 0px; text-align: center;">I couldn't help but cry.... :'(</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRYVuJUALigKAF3aYYbyn00-CgFb0kxxybcyzDAlqNp9Ugn7XfxUFRTEOlxWvnP8OczsxjMjBj5XCNXp0_hXieDCxYPgQno2j75e51WxYeOhvyPn_Z0wWTBxwQ9IdVvqwLYElhmYOT1wFh/s1600/IMG_1421.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRYVuJUALigKAF3aYYbyn00-CgFb0kxxybcyzDAlqNp9Ugn7XfxUFRTEOlxWvnP8OczsxjMjBj5XCNXp0_hXieDCxYPgQno2j75e51WxYeOhvyPn_Z0wWTBxwQ9IdVvqwLYElhmYOT1wFh/s400/IMG_1421.PNG" width="264" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Even though it's been a few weeks since Lindsey passed the pain is still there. I haven't forgotten her. I still cry. I still get sad. I miss her. BUT I KNOW we will see each other again and that gets me through this. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>Carissa Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17735701882667125957noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5301699493612380670.post-57878134122785827332011-02-02T22:11:00.000-08:002011-02-05T07:12:08.304-08:00Think Of Me Photography<div style="text-align: center;">Alexandria Cunningham used me as her "model" for a mentoring session she was teaching. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I think she needed someone there to teach me how to model, ha. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not going to quit my day job anytime soon to model. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Good thing she wasn't paying me...</div><div style="text-align: center;">well... </div><div style="text-align: center;">she bought me a cupcake.... </div><div style="text-align: center;">That's all I'm worth is a CUPCAKE! :)</div><div style="text-align: center;">and I'm content with that! ha.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Drum roll please.....................</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">ta dahhhhhhh! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoTruKp_goT7ib97r7IFJ7RBTg7kmsf9D4MpmMSH2lXmIOdihw2ae4_I-b866igrB26PRu4KojycbscWr1RLhDOc1GcZ9BDKz6FUrg6i9ABTWewrCMvqAfGVn0H04alhbkiwKXbjxGgBa/s1600/DSC_0159+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoTruKp_goT7ib97r7IFJ7RBTg7kmsf9D4MpmMSH2lXmIOdihw2ae4_I-b866igrB26PRu4KojycbscWr1RLhDOc1GcZ9BDKz6FUrg6i9ABTWewrCMvqAfGVn0H04alhbkiwKXbjxGgBa/s640/DSC_0159+%25281%2529.jpg" width="424" /></a></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4uz9kdfXsUEj-lY_j2nJLXJd8rJ6BuJzchYHuEUj2lXaEq_v-Witv-r5lW1UXEMMhzXHLr5wGdzyGLruim17XRcz1B_enf4Ap3rO6C3QsSIZpxeEjGkJeFixEpnrRPaw7VC9anJNFMyVo/s1600/DSC_0169+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4uz9kdfXsUEj-lY_j2nJLXJd8rJ6BuJzchYHuEUj2lXaEq_v-Witv-r5lW1UXEMMhzXHLr5wGdzyGLruim17XRcz1B_enf4Ap3rO6C3QsSIZpxeEjGkJeFixEpnrRPaw7VC9anJNFMyVo/s400/DSC_0169+%25281%2529.jpg" width="265" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKXn8oi4wkP6hpzrOXVRP7ebBO14Kq6-GM_LjoWqpyYnKgiOLHBl18tTwmfKqInUZMd8p8nz5yxhX0y41bRzowdwtWhS4JI69-P7VNIU0uE8_ZdOkcTAyjvFExhZpRI53vLsyrFP9ZAZ3Y/s1600/DSC_0179+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKXn8oi4wkP6hpzrOXVRP7ebBO14Kq6-GM_LjoWqpyYnKgiOLHBl18tTwmfKqInUZMd8p8nz5yxhX0y41bRzowdwtWhS4JI69-P7VNIU0uE8_ZdOkcTAyjvFExhZpRI53vLsyrFP9ZAZ3Y/s400/DSC_0179+%25281%2529.jpg" width="265" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> awesome. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvJelSHWgq1tH_vPEhmDJS0fUkrQCV4J6DlN0S1hvjhatA41CIdZefwMm17435nuAOGc1FfAfwVreRkYT_kkMDnYIPKbhz6sUcUWHhlZCD9CdGPYlMbN-hhr5EN2YSkCdcmr9ERGsFfpkf/s1600/DSC_0205+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvJelSHWgq1tH_vPEhmDJS0fUkrQCV4J6DlN0S1hvjhatA41CIdZefwMm17435nuAOGc1FfAfwVreRkYT_kkMDnYIPKbhz6sUcUWHhlZCD9CdGPYlMbN-hhr5EN2YSkCdcmr9ERGsFfpkf/s640/DSC_0205+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> the story behind this picture...</div><div style="text-align: center;">We were going to random locations in Ogden and ended up at this </div><div style="text-align: center;">somewhat abandoned place. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I went to sit by the fence but what was on the ground????</div><div style="text-align: center;">NEEDLES! like... DRUG NEEDLES! </div><div style="text-align: center;">scary. </div><div style="text-align: center;">but love this picture. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDEzFjBbN711hqRfrI2dXbnJkhzRaJK8CYNdd0Hgt-3BrEOwjFe1rIg8eFDnCpRTM3kvWtF9QyZJnX2yFnlhDv4V-ileGnQrzmIKjWDZaTZo2v2Qyj7kZ0PL9sY89ayIJKWNDX-UnyL8L9/s1600/DSC_0212+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDEzFjBbN711hqRfrI2dXbnJkhzRaJK8CYNdd0Hgt-3BrEOwjFe1rIg8eFDnCpRTM3kvWtF9QyZJnX2yFnlhDv4V-ileGnQrzmIKjWDZaTZo2v2Qyj7kZ0PL9sY89ayIJKWNDX-UnyL8L9/s400/DSC_0212+%25281%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjE0UAAK2mPCoQ1FsTVq_JQM7luHuspN24lyvla1hOXuN0NzXqjHiUkNlD6M1iXZCje25AVJFis_AxA_erNVTfEhx5QF09wcDuYWZHOd4i-4-t9DR62luN9N2ugrWeNV0PUxIgLlBd5zZF/s1600/DSC_0229+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjE0UAAK2mPCoQ1FsTVq_JQM7luHuspN24lyvla1hOXuN0NzXqjHiUkNlD6M1iXZCje25AVJFis_AxA_erNVTfEhx5QF09wcDuYWZHOd4i-4-t9DR62luN9N2ugrWeNV0PUxIgLlBd5zZF/s640/DSC_0229+2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> LOVE! this is my favorite. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCIEA-s2GHOY7A3K_xVtpmNrBYOFeBsA5VSump1zeR-QBYku_FA15Kt-goSFIp4tmjtOMTcpsEfb4Eim5qmT9TXjVVgqEDcdIRjJB8l5uQqytI8VkgdJ81Zvt7PWQ00mZjLfC89eiIqL_k/s1600/portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCIEA-s2GHOY7A3K_xVtpmNrBYOFeBsA5VSump1zeR-QBYku_FA15Kt-goSFIp4tmjtOMTcpsEfb4Eim5qmT9TXjVVgqEDcdIRjJB8l5uQqytI8VkgdJ81Zvt7PWQ00mZjLfC89eiIqL_k/s640/portrait.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> This is one of the first ones we took... </div><div style="text-align: center;">this was actually taken by Destiny Owens.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Alex was her mentor. </div><div style="text-align: center;">She was great! </div><div style="text-align: center;">(the last ones are by Destiny Owens)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbPfRBy2wtHV0RxcNTKDtMR1Mo2_Xea3yxV099v1E9_RMJw1wh03AqL44pT5lBAbGAr7i3pW-a_t0O4xyqdPffabN7rK693dlyOQ4YoFQqOC14uuNzpnFNoymKyrkDLO5khymU3QvmwAr/s1600/portrait2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbPfRBy2wtHV0RxcNTKDtMR1Mo2_Xea3yxV099v1E9_RMJw1wh03AqL44pT5lBAbGAr7i3pW-a_t0O4xyqdPffabN7rK693dlyOQ4YoFQqOC14uuNzpnFNoymKyrkDLO5khymU3QvmwAr/s640/portrait2.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> I'm a smiler :)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn0kIIm7c2Vtg20XLca7npuwDp81VWS6_fh0ScGFA2c5QR2w5ASihDUW-WxBCXPiVT8zfbDCBsKr88iMZr-Wf-kFXf9m0MHzshoCGpUzal0jFP6I1AkePxwe_eY2nSUIX0f9TTrUpcY4a6/s1600/b%2526w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn0kIIm7c2Vtg20XLca7npuwDp81VWS6_fh0ScGFA2c5QR2w5ASihDUW-WxBCXPiVT8zfbDCBsKr88iMZr-Wf-kFXf9m0MHzshoCGpUzal0jFP6I1AkePxwe_eY2nSUIX0f9TTrUpcY4a6/s400/b%2526w.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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</div>Carissa Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17735701882667125957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5301699493612380670.post-85088652196692044862010-10-01T02:32:00.000-07:002010-10-01T02:32:40.974-07:00me.<u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i am</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: </span><i style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">emotional. compassionate. spiritual. outgoing. friendly. determined. sarcastic. silly. analytical. afraid. forgiving. accepting. impatient. procrastinator. stubborn.</i><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i think</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: wayyyy too much about what other people think. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i know</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: that I’m a daughter of our <u>Heavenly Father.</u> I know that He knows me inside and out. I know that He has a plan for me. I know that He loves me, and has always loved me. I know that no matter what He will always be there for me. I know <u>Jesus Christ </u>died for ME so I can be forgiven of my sins and return to my Heavenly Father. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i want</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: to go <i>skydiving</i>! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i have:</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> the loudest <i>laugh</i> ever! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i dislike</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: tomatoes. yuck! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i miss</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: <i><b>Little Pascal</b></i> like no other. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i fear</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> losing another loved one. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i feel</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: like I’ve grown up a lot in the last year. I’ve made a complete transformation, for the better. I feel... happy with who I am and where I am at in my life. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i hear</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> the amazing Sara Bareilles, <i><b>Gravity</b></i>. She sings about things I’m feeling and going through right now. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i smell</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> like cotton candy :) mmmmm.... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i crave</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <i>Red Mango, and Oreo’s</i>... too bad Noelle and I are on a diet for the next month! ughh! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i usually</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: <i>fight for what i want and believe in. </i></span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i search</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: lyrics and quotes. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i wonder</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> when everything is going to <u><i>fall into place</i></u>.... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i regret</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> not being <b>true to myself,</b> for too many years. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i love</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>:</u> with <i><b>all</b></i> of my heart... i put my <i><u>everything</u></i> into what/who i love. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i care</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>:</u> about other people and their feelings. i would <b>never</b> intentionally hurt anyone. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i always</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: say JUST kidding and just saying after everything... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i worry:</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> about EVERYTHING! i need to chillax! Yoga here i come! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i am not:</u> </b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">perfect, or patient. but i am a good person. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i remember:</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> everything!!! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i believe</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> in<b> love!</b> i believe in fairytale endings! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I Believe that everything happens for a reason People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they"re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe</span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<u>i dance</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> in my room, in my car, walking around campus.... i’m a dancing machine! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i sing</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> “love the way you lie” wayyy too much. but i love that song. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i don’t always:</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u> </u>understand why things happen, but i have <u>faith </u>there is a reason it is all happening... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i argue:</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> like a child. i’m not any good at it. i never get my point across. i’d rather just kiss and make up. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i write</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> on my blog... it’s my release. my journal. i can let everything out here. it’s therapeutic. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i win</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> people over with my laugh :) </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i lose</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: myself in breakups.... but find myself in breakups too... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i wish</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>:</u> i wouldn’t <u><b>react on my emotion</b></u> as often as i do... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i listen</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: to the same song, over and over and over and over! </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i don't understand</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: <b><i>boys</i></b>. never will. i give up. :) </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i can usually be found:</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> on campus. at mi casa. or with my best friend Noelle. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i am scared</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> ....to get my heart broken... <u>again</u>.... </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i need</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> to worry about <i>myself</i> right now.</span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>i forget</u>:</b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> where i put my car keys every morning. </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i am happy</b></u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">: when i am doing what is right. CTR baby! ;) </span><br style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" />Carissa Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17735701882667125957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5301699493612380670.post-83617559918323145482010-09-30T22:36:00.000-07:002010-09-30T22:36:07.722-07:00i LOVE my life because....<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> I have a <b>best friend</b> that gets me. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>Noelle </b>sends me good morning texts to help me <i>make it</i> through the day,</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">knowing the mornings are the <u><i>hardest</i></u> time for me. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">My family is somewhat <u>dysfunctional</u>, but they <i>love me</i> no matter what. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>Kalai</b> is apart of my life. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I don't know how I lived <i>without</i> his music before. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u><b>Oreo's</b></u> are my go to snack. <i>Morning</i>. <u>Afternoon</u>. <b>Night</b>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>M</b>ountain <b>D</b>ew is always in stock in my house. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Thank you <u>Katie and Travis</u>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I <i>FINALLY </i>live in a<b> stable</b> environment.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Katie and Amy</u> are always willing to listen to my "<b>drama</b>"</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I have the <i>gospel</i> in my life... again.. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I know <u>who</u> I am. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><i>Where</i> I'm going.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> What I <b>want</b>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><i><u>Summer 2010 </u></i>is one I'll <b>never forget</b>: <i>falling</i> in love, <u>Cabo</u>, parasailing, snorkeling, boating, <i>wakeboarding</i>, hiking, Seven Peaks, <b>Yellowstone</b>, Bear Lake, Vegas, unforgettable pictures, <u>the drive-in</u>, golfing, swimming, softball, <b>soccer</b>, new friendships, rekindled old friendships, <i>D</i>, getting back into church. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Sydney and Kaylee</u>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">My two<i> beautiful </i>sisters. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I wouldn't know how to love <b>unconditionally</b> if it wasn't for those two. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">My <u>Dad</u> has the same exact sense of humor as I do and we can <i>laugh</i> for hours. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I have the <b>best</b> cousins in the world. I love <u>Star</u> and <u>JC</u> with all of my <i>heart</i>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">They are the two people I <b>look up to</b> the most. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> <b>Glee!</b> Need I say more?</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">If only <u>Fin</u> would look at me the way he looks at Rachel...sigh...</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I'm so grateful that I was able to learn how to truly <b>LOVE</b> this summer... </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I <u>know</u> what it feels like to <b>TRULY</b> be in <i>love</i>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">To<i> love</i> someone <b>more</b> than <i>myself</i>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">To <b>LOVE </b>someone so much that their <i>happiness</i> comes before my own.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Some people don't get the opportunity to feel the way I felt this summer:</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><i>butterflies, fireworks, safety, happiness, forever... </i> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I will feel it again <b>someday</b>...</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I would rather have <b>loved and lost</b>, than to <b>never have loved at all</b>... </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I know what I <i>deserve</i>... </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">and what I don't deserve...</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I deserve someone who is going to <u>love me as much as I love him.</u> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Who<i> isn't afraid</i> of me. <br />
Who will surprise me with sweet notes or flowers..</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Who <b>knows what he has when he has it</b>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Who puts me <u>before</u> himself. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I'll make someone very <i>happy</i> one day. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I haven't had my <b>fairtytale </b>yet... </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">but I know he is out there... <u>waiting</u> for me. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">It's almost <b>October</b>!</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Halloween</u> is right around the corner! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Debating between costumes at this moment.. no matter what it'll rock! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">As for my <b>birthday</b>.. I don't want to talk about it..<i><u> 24 is depressing</u></i>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">However, I still <b>LOVE</b> my life :) </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I am a <i>strong, independent, compassionate, outgoing, blessed</i> young.. woman? </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I don't like to call myself woman.. it's weird.. however, I technically am a woman.. I don't feel like a woman though. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">More like a girl.. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">It's conference this weekend and I'm crossing my fingers I get tickets! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">My<b> faith</b> in <u>Heavenly Father</u> is <i>stronger </i>than ever. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I can let go of things in my life<b> gracefully</b>, knowing it'll all work out. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Heavenly Father loves me.</u> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I am going to learn how to<i> snowboard</i> this winter! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">Thanks <u>Noelle! </u></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">It's almost <b>hoodie</b> season...</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">7-11 hot chocolate soon...</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><i><u>cuddling?</u></i> maybe not so much.. :) </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">2 more months left of the semester </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I love CLS</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I'm <i>French</i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Lyrics and quotes</u> complete me.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I can <b>always</b> find something super cute at <u>25th Street Boutique</u>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> <b>Red Mango</b>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u><i>Winter. Fall. Summer. Spring.</i></u> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I live in a place with all four seasons. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">love it. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Taylor Swift</u>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>Sarah Bareilles.</b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><u>Paramore.</u> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>Glee Soundtrack.</b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> music relates to my life! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I'm very<i> blessed.</i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I've gone through <u>struggles</u>, but I've <u>made it through </u>them all.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">My <b><i>laugh is awesome</i></b>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">just sayin. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I have the <u>best friends</u>.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">They are like my<i> family</i>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">I know how <b>short</b> life is. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>Live everyday as if it's your last. </b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>I am me. </b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b>and I like me. </b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-Rissa</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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Let me explain where all of this anger came from. It came from losing my cousin Pascal to suicide. Little Pascal was like my brother. He was a month older than me. We grew up together. He is in almost every childhood memory I have. He was my best friend. He was the person I vented to. He practiced softball with me. He laughed with me. He cried with me. In losing him I lost myself. It's been 4 years now and to this day it doesn't seem real. The pain is still here. I still cry about it. I still struggle with it. I've lost quite a few people I love, but nothing has hurt as much as a tragic loss from suicide.<br />
I remember the last thing I said to him. I remember the last text he sent me which was I love you! I remember his crazy curly hair. I remember his out of control personality and laugh (sound familiar, sounds like me huh!). I was in New York working as a nanny when I had found out. I remember that Sunday like no other Sunday. I had gone to church that day. I finally felt good about being out there and not wanting to go home. I was happy. I had new friends. I was involved with church. Life was good. Little did I know my life would change drastically in less than an hour. Driving home I couldn't wait to call my mom to tell her that I was finally doing okay out there. I called her. She said, "Carissa, let me talk to the parents there." I said, "What are you talking about? Why?" She said, "I need to talk to the parents there." I was so confused. I said, "If you don't tell me I'm going to freak out!" She said with a cry, "Pascal shot himself. He's dead!" The phone call dropped. She wasn't on the other end of the line. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I called my grandma to confirm this awful news. Sure enough, my nightmare began. Within two hours I was on the way to the airport to catch a red eye home. That was the worst flight of my life.<br />
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I remember standing by his casket, looking down at his lifeless body in disbelief, praying that it was a nightmare I'd wake up from. June 25, 2006 was the worst day of my entire life. I was angry with myself because I felt like as Pascal's "rock" I wasn't here for him. I feel like I could have done more, and... I didn't. I feel like I should have seen the signs of his depression. I should have known how he was feeling. I should have been here for him. I was angry with God for taking my best friend so young. I was angry at God because someone who isn't God told me that Pascal was going to hell because he killed himself. I was angry with my family for not doing absolutely everything they could while I was in New York. They were the one's here in his last days. I was not. They should have been sensitive to his depression. They should have seen signs of suicide. His friends should have seen these signs!<br />
It took me a long time to stop crying everyday. I didn't want to feel the pain so I took medicine to make me sleep all day, everyday. I did that for about a month before my cousin Star realized I had a problem. I felt so much pain, that I didn't think I was capable to feel anymore. I didn't think I was strong enough to go through this loss. Little did I know, all I needed to do was to turn to Heavenly Father, instead I ran as far away from him as I could.<br />
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I didn't want to be who I was, who I had always been anymore. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't pray anymore. The anger had completely taken over me. I lost all faith. I lost all hope. The one thing I've realize is that when you lose faith, hope, church, and our savior, you end up losing yourself. I dated out of the ordinary. I did things I would never have done before. Deep down I knew everything I was doing was wrong. I knew I wasn't happy. However, on the surface it seemed to make me really happy. It was only temporary happiness. Not unconditional happiness that you get from our savior, from faith, from doing what's right, from being true to who you are.<br />
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I strayed for 3 years. Knowing I was missing something. Knowing I wasn't happy. Knowing I was walking around with a cloud over my head keeping me so lost and confused about everything in life. <br />
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About seven months ago a dear friend of mine, no name needed, helped me get back on the right path. He inspired me to want to be better. To want to go to church and find God. To want to change my life. To find myself again. Almost instantly the cloud around my head changed to a light that everyone saw. I was changing for the better. For myself. Not anyone else. I am so lucky that he didn't give up on me, that my new friends and family didn't give up on me, and most of all that Heavenly Father didn't give up on me and turn his back on me like I did to him. I have received so many incredible blessings from opening my heart to my Heavenly Father. I know that my dear friend was sent to me for a reason. Without him I wouldn't be where I am. I tell him he's an angel. He will always be dear to my heart. Without him I wouldn't have met Katie and Travis Price. Katie and Travis are the most amazing people I've ever met. They are the best blessing I've ever received. I'm so lucky that they opened up their home to me. They helped me get back on the right path as well. Words can't even describe my love for this amazing family. I know what it is to live without the gospel and I know what it is to live with the gospel. Life without the gospel is no life at all. I have lost friends for making these changes, but I've gained new ones. I know who I am and what I want. I know where I'm going in life and I have faith in Heavenly Father and I know that he has a plan for me and that everything works out how it should. Every person needs to go through trials. Giving my burdens to Heavenly Father is the only way I can gracefully make it through any trial. He gives me peace. He gives me strength. He gives me hope. He gives patience. It doesn't take the pain away but knowing that everything is going to be okay and that I'm not alone makes it that much easier. I know that the atonement is real. I know that Jesus Christ suffered for me, so I could be forgiven. I know he feels what I'm feeling. I know he knows me inside and out. I know that I wouldn't be where I am without my savior. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I know I wont always understand why things happen. I have to have faith that it is all happening for a reason.<br />
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If second, third, or fourth chances weren't an option.... I wouldn't be where I am today. I am so grateful that we have such a merciful, forgiving, loving Father in Heaven. He is my everything. I'm not confused anymore. I'm not lost. I know who I am. I know what makes me happy. I know what I want from this life and what I deserve. I know that I'm a daughter of our Heavenly Father and I know that he didn't give up on me for a reason. I love him with all of my heart.Carissa Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17735701882667125957noreply@blogger.com2